Have you read the book Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America by Barbara Ehrenreich? If not, I highly recommend you do so. I think about that book every time I go out to eat, every time I stay in a hotel, and whenever I clean my house, and so will you when you're done.
Such a time came yesterday, when I made a more thorough attack on the upstairs bathroom than usual. The gloves were ON, and I was scrubbing every corner, even the ceiling.
There's a lot more to cleaning than making things look clean. I know — I used to be a maid in a hotel. All that mattered was how quickly we got in and out of the room. Our cleaning rags were the guests' used towels, and we almost never got into the corners with those towels or the vacuum. This part of Nickel and Dimed is right on; maids have to hurry because their supervisor has to meet a strict budget and the best way to keep the budget in line is to cut housekeeping hours.
When I was in college, for both undergrad (after that summer as hotel maid) and grad, I made my way by cleaning for professors at the university. It was a lot better than hotel work, because I could spend the time I needed to get things right. I liked putting in that extra effort — I mean, even if they're never going to lie on the floor of their bathroom and look up at the bottom of their pedestal sink, I have, and I've cleaned the dirt and muck that accumulates there until the porcelain sparkles again. And I've climbed a ladder to dust away cobwebs and shake down lost socks from vaulted ceilings and cross beams.
I liked being a housekeeper — as long as no one was home. Trying to clean with the professor or the family at home made me nervous. I didn't want to have to talk to anybody, and I certainly didn't want anyone to be in the same room where I was working.
I was housekeeper for a family of five (a law professor father and his four kids) for a couple of years. The father required that I wax the kitchen floor (Wax! Who does that anymore?) at least once a month. That involves stripping off the old wax, then cleaning, getting into grooves and shaving off stuck foodstuffs with a razor blade, and then painstakingly coating the floor in even mop rows of wax, trying not to overlap at the edges like you would if you were mowing the lawn. In the middle of that, without asking or warning, one or two of the boys would almost without fail come tramping in on the floor to cook ramen! They were hungry teenagers — but the question became — would I allow them to do this and mess up my floor (including probably getting noodles stuck in the wax) or did I risk making their dad angry by telling them to get out? They had no understanding of what I was trying to do. They had no respect for me — I couldn't believe it when the youngest (9) brought a friend home and in passing introduced me as "our help." I continue to wonder what became of those kids, brought up in such a way, having someone paid to come in and clean their rooms, their bathrooms, do their laundry, and all the rest, while they just went about their merry ways not even understanding the luxury of the situation or the damage it was doing to them.
I grew up having to do chores, and I think that's the right thing for all kids. Discipline, work, creativity, and plenty of play outside. Kids need consistent, patient discipline, and part of that is giving kids jobs to do, to be proud of, and to earn rewards for (10 cents a chore when I was young). Housework in and of itself is not as tedious and dull as some might think. It's a creative process; moving from dull to sparkling, from disorder to order, from grimy to beautiful.
I gave up maid work after earning my B.A. in psychology and went to work in a group home. The "residents," kids ages 12 to 17, were assigned to the home due to various crises in their families, or lack of families. One 12-year-old girl had been taken from her mother's house because her mother-slash-pimp had been selling her as a prostitute. 12 years old! My job, if I could, was to get her to at least smile and laugh a bit.
All the kids in the home had to do a certain amount of cleaning. But the the place had some senseless, archaic rules, one of which was that the kids weren't allowed to listen to music or play until all chores were completed. Well, at least on my shift, I turned that rule on its head. Who wants to clean without music? You do a half-assed job to get it done as quick as you can. But what if you have music? We did dance-sweeping and dance-mopping — the more you mop, the more you get to blast the music. On my Saturdays, the house was rocking AND sparkling. And people were smiling, even the 12 year old.
It's funny how I don't remember their names, but I remember each of their circumstances. I worked the night-shift there once in a while, and had to call the cops several times because a couple of the girls' pimps were outside their windows threatening them with violence and enticing them with drugs and money to come out and get back on the streets. Luckily, all windows and doors were chained shut. Not good for the fire code, but good for these girls. Some of the girls would have left quite willingly.
On night shift, another part of my job was to prep dinner for the next day. My specialty, if you can call it that, was quiche. You can make lots of servings out of a few government-issued blocks of cheese, eggs, flour, and lard. Add in some onion, spinach, maybe bacon or ham if you're lucky to have it, and you even have a pretty good meal. Thing is, I never got to see the kids eat the quiche, so now I think about it, I don't know if they even liked it! What if every dinner they knew I had cooked they would groan and shove the food to the side of the plate? I'll never know now.
I just hope I made a positive impact on some of their lives, at least in some small way.
How did I get here from Nickel and Dimed? Mostly this was just a free flow of ideas. It does follow a theme, in a way — I got paid more to clean those professors' houses than I did as a counselor in that group home. I joke that I once had a job where I got paid to play pool (with the kids, in the afternoons), but I didn't get paid much. And now those kids, many of them, are probably out there being nickel-and-dimed into a lack-luster existence when they deserve more.
I don't have a magic answer or moral to this story. I just wanted to tell it, and hope someone listens. For that 12-yr-old girl, and the thousands or millions out there like her. Maybe she's even your hotel maid — so next time you're away on business or vacation, try to remember to leave a good tip for the person who cleaned your room. You'll be helping her out, and you just might make her smile.
08 August 2010
28 July 2010
Memorial to Buddy, a Good Dog
Buddy was a Good Dog — capital G, capital D. He wasn't the most clever or most talented, nor the "worst dog ever" (aka Marley). Certainly nothing to write a book about. But, he was my Buddy. We did stuff together.
Buddy's first swim was at the dog park at nine weeks old; his first "real walk" was at Bobolink Trail (he was so little, I had to carry him part of the way). He liked to play with his giant purple "Jolly Ball," and he enjoyed a good soak in the local canal. And, of course, retriever rolls.
Buddy grew up visiting my grandmother in the nursing home (that's another, important story) and graduated to working for the Boulder Community Hospital Canine Corps for a couple of years (he even earned a diploma). This story, Buddy's Hospital Hints, appeared in the canine corps newsletter.
We liked walking best, hanging out second best. Buddy's theme song was "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers — imagine those droopy golden retriever eyes and Buddy just waiting for me to come home from work, and you get the idea... "Ain't no sunshine when she's gone; I'm all alone when she's away..."
As a golden retriever, Buddy was very much the extrovert. He knew everyone in the neighborhood, and took plenty of time trying to convince everybody he met that he loved them more than anything else in the whole world. Imagine the dog in the movie "Up," with the classic line, "I have just met you and I love you." That was Buddy.
I promised Buddy once that we'd never live anywhere without snow. Have you ever seen a dog thoroughly enjoying snow? Rolling in it, running in it, shoveling his nose through it... it's an experience not to miss. If you don't have a dog, see if you can borrow your neighbor's golden retriever next winter.
Buddy died on 11 June 2010, one month before his 10th birthday, two weeks before Bear and I got married. True to his stoic golden retriever nature, he never told me he was sick, until he was so sick, he couldn't hide it anymore. He caught pneumonia, and two days later, I found out he had a burst hemagiosarcoma (tumor on his liver). The emergency vet told me Buddy would bleed out within the hour, but we did a body compress bandage, and he was happy and tail-waggy again, for about five hours (so Bear could get home to say good-bye), and then, as he slowly grew weary, we had him "put to sleep."
Buddy was a good dog. I'll miss him for the rest of my life. He knew my every move; each movement of my fingers, my eyes, my shoulders, meant something to him. Our walks together were like a dance; we were in rhythm with each other.

OK, except for when there was some really good sniff, or a cat or squirrel to chase, or another human to worship and sing to (yes, he "hummed" and sang a bit as he got older)...
But always, Buddy was my friend. In my heart, he will 'ever enjoy cool, bubbling waters, long, snowy days, plenty of humans and happy dogs to play with, and sunshine, lots of sunshine, now he's gone away.
Buddy's first swim was at the dog park at nine weeks old; his first "real walk" was at Bobolink Trail (he was so little, I had to carry him part of the way). He liked to play with his giant purple "Jolly Ball," and he enjoyed a good soak in the local canal. And, of course, retriever rolls.
Buddy grew up visiting my grandmother in the nursing home (that's another, important story) and graduated to working for the Boulder Community Hospital Canine Corps for a couple of years (he even earned a diploma). This story, Buddy's Hospital Hints, appeared in the canine corps newsletter.
We liked walking best, hanging out second best. Buddy's theme song was "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers — imagine those droopy golden retriever eyes and Buddy just waiting for me to come home from work, and you get the idea... "Ain't no sunshine when she's gone; I'm all alone when she's away..."As a golden retriever, Buddy was very much the extrovert. He knew everyone in the neighborhood, and took plenty of time trying to convince everybody he met that he loved them more than anything else in the whole world. Imagine the dog in the movie "Up," with the classic line, "I have just met you and I love you." That was Buddy.
I promised Buddy once that we'd never live anywhere without snow. Have you ever seen a dog thoroughly enjoying snow? Rolling in it, running in it, shoveling his nose through it... it's an experience not to miss. If you don't have a dog, see if you can borrow your neighbor's golden retriever next winter.
Buddy died on 11 June 2010, one month before his 10th birthday, two weeks before Bear and I got married. True to his stoic golden retriever nature, he never told me he was sick, until he was so sick, he couldn't hide it anymore. He caught pneumonia, and two days later, I found out he had a burst hemagiosarcoma (tumor on his liver). The emergency vet told me Buddy would bleed out within the hour, but we did a body compress bandage, and he was happy and tail-waggy again, for about five hours (so Bear could get home to say good-bye), and then, as he slowly grew weary, we had him "put to sleep."
Buddy was a good dog. I'll miss him for the rest of my life. He knew my every move; each movement of my fingers, my eyes, my shoulders, meant something to him. Our walks together were like a dance; we were in rhythm with each other.

OK, except for when there was some really good sniff, or a cat or squirrel to chase, or another human to worship and sing to (yes, he "hummed" and sang a bit as he got older)...
But always, Buddy was my friend. In my heart, he will 'ever enjoy cool, bubbling waters, long, snowy days, plenty of humans and happy dogs to play with, and sunshine, lots of sunshine, now he's gone away.
26 May 2010
Thankful, Part I
I've been holding off on blogging, waiting until I have time to write the promised chocolate post (comparing various bars of dark chocolate).
I really will get to that, but for now, I have something more urgent...
Gratitude.
I'm thankful that this evening I got to swim outside and gaze up at the blue sky and watch the clouds form and fade. After the swim, I sat in the sauna and thanked God (the God of Jesus, the God of Mohamed, the God or good or good spirit that inspired Buddha ... whatever you want to call it) for all the good things in my life right now. Thanks that I can just sit here in this space and think "thanks." Thanks for Bear and Buddy and Blue Aroo. Thanks for the upcoming wedding and the dress and the rings... Thanks for the freedom and the means to be able to plan a fantastic honeymoon.
Beyond all that is an even deeper gratitude, one that can't be explained in a single blog post. It's a gratitude that comes from both struggle and privilege, from having looked into the face of evil more than once and flourished in spite of it, from simply being able to be thankful for everyday beauty, for what we call the "little things" (which add up to something bigger than all of us understand, I think).
I know I'm not expressing this as well as I'd like right now, but it's a start. And, as I sat in the sauna tonight with nothing to do but be grateful, I knew this post couldn't wait until I could make it perfect (whatever that means).
Hey - and thanks for reading this!
I really will get to that, but for now, I have something more urgent...
Gratitude.
I'm thankful that this evening I got to swim outside and gaze up at the blue sky and watch the clouds form and fade. After the swim, I sat in the sauna and thanked God (the God of Jesus, the God of Mohamed, the God or good or good spirit that inspired Buddha ... whatever you want to call it) for all the good things in my life right now. Thanks that I can just sit here in this space and think "thanks." Thanks for Bear and Buddy and Blue Aroo. Thanks for the upcoming wedding and the dress and the rings... Thanks for the freedom and the means to be able to plan a fantastic honeymoon.
Beyond all that is an even deeper gratitude, one that can't be explained in a single blog post. It's a gratitude that comes from both struggle and privilege, from having looked into the face of evil more than once and flourished in spite of it, from simply being able to be thankful for everyday beauty, for what we call the "little things" (which add up to something bigger than all of us understand, I think).
I know I'm not expressing this as well as I'd like right now, but it's a start. And, as I sat in the sauna tonight with nothing to do but be grateful, I knew this post couldn't wait until I could make it perfect (whatever that means).
Hey - and thanks for reading this!
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